To begin this discussion, I want to start this by saying, although IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE YOU NEED THEM TO BELIEVE YOU, YOU DON’T, and YOU ARE NOT ALONE! The old me writing this would offer up a big F U to a naysayer at this point in my life, but as a healer with love and patience I now understand that any person that offers an unsolicited opinion of my life experiences that didn’t involve them, is only
reflecting their inability to focus and forgive themselves so they project their opinions of others. By the way extremely narcissistic and unhealthy. I honestly wanted to wait to finish my book or HIS ASS DIES in honesty to even write about this, because I didn’t want to give him the pleasure.
For a while I thought it was just me and that the reaction I received at 7 years old was somehow my fault. I believed that my 7-year-old self, somehow invited the behavior. Many people don’t understand that the reaction is just as traumatic as the transgression and the way my family handled it truly scarred my childhood and adolescent mindset. Let me guess, they can’t believe you because the person accused will admit to anything they have done, because they have no shame? Or maybe all the kids love them? Or they are super honorable and wouldn’t do that? Statistically, abusers are truth worthy, fun, patient kindhearted individuals. Don’t believe me look up sexual predator profiles.
I was violated as a child, and although my violator had previously been accused, I was labeled a liar, only to be consoled in private by many that knew I was telling the truth
which actually did damage too and affected my trust in transparency. You see this person back then and even now was placed on a pedestal due to their money and how they spent it honestly, their ability to provide a good time to the family was placed higher than the individuals in the family. I was comfortable with this person, a comfort that my parents should have identified as inappropriate. From private car rides to the store, sitting on laps, snuggles and sexual conversations. The conversations being had with my 7-year-old self were grooming me and partnered with my home environment made it a perfect mix. I trusted this person so much and felt it was a safe place and honestly didn’t know better, until it happened.
I told and had to wait a whole day to get home while being in this person’s presence, then once I got home, I thought I was safe. But I was not I was confronted. I will forever be grateful to the two men that spoke up, but they were both drowned out by the women and boys in their loyalty to him. I was told to apologize for my behavior towards him throughout the day of not wanting him to touch me and told to say I misunderstood. That was and is the only time I have ever apologized to him and ever will.
From that moment I was labeled a liar that lied on everyone’s favorite “PLAY UNCLE” and I was shunned and kept at home not going to NEW YEARS family get together and more because he was hosting. The lines were drawn, and I was outside of them and it did something to my young mindset psychologically about my self-worth. The more I didn’t make others uncomfortable the more part of everyone I was. By the time I was in my teens I learned to play my part no matter how dark I felt inside. Following this there were many indecencies by other individuals, but at this point I accepted it and the punishments of luring them all
while I was under the age of 14 years of age.
Based on how I was now viewed I turned numb, so when I was attacked at 14 years of age by a stranger it only solidified my insignificance with my family. I realized my place in my family was to be seen and not heard if it was in opposition to a male, even if they are a predator.
Fast forward to early 20’s, in a low place of self-esteem and value of life due to various things, I did what many victims do “REFRAMING”!
Reframing is when the victim embraces her/his abuser, to feel a sense of normalcy, control and power, but this only hurts the survivor in the long run. The damage is because you have given the predator more access to your life. And as a psychology major, reframing is a common response by survivors to known attackers.
I will not give examples because once again this is for the survivor not the doubters, we know our truth go find yours! With therapy, healing and my lovely husband I was able to come to the other side of this cycle of hurt, and able to love through it and set clear boundaries. I am grateful for my platform and its help to other women. Now 20 plus years later many original naysayers apologize and share their own stories, and others use my reframing to validate their opinions, but guess what it doesn’t matter.
Let me make this clear! I am writing this for the survivor not the doubter, because you have invalidated your opinion and no longer matter in this space. To my survivor you are whole and perfectly you, the universe has shown
you the false sense of authority the doubters possess in their lives. Many doubters of assault are just as broken as they are attempting to make you. Smile tell them it’s all love and let the dandelion float into the wind. Let go of people that only chip away, GOD will fill that space with so much love and people. I know!!!! I have so many people that love me and accept the ones that need to go. To my chosen family To my chosen family that have filled my life, I love
you and thank you for daily, weekly, yearly energy flows. To my blood family you are loved and forgiven. I know if you knew better you would have done better.